In the middle of writing a letter, I gave my hand a break and checked out someone’s blog, which (as it always happens) leads me down a trail of other blogs, eventually bringing me to the music of Rachel Wagner. Listening to track 11 (Psalm 131) while reading the lyrics brought me to tears. Without looking up Psalm 131, I went straight to the Matthew Henry commentary, which said the following:

Our hearts are desirous of worldly things, cry for them, and are fond of them; but, by the grace of God, a soul that is made holy, is weaned from these things. The child is cross and fretful while in the weaning; but in a day or two it cares no longer for milk, and it can bear stronger food. Thus does a converted soul quiet itself under the loss of what it loved, and disappointments in what it hoped for, and is easy whatever happens. When our condition is not to our mind, we must bring our mind to our condition; then we are easy to ourselves and all about us; then our souls are as a weaned child. And thus the psalmist recommends confidence in God, to all the Israel of God, from his own experience. It is good to hope, and quietly to wait for the salvation of the Lord under every trial.

What a perfect reminder for where I am emotionally and spiritually. So what does this psalm say exactly? I was very curious. I finally looked it up…

… I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
² But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.
³ Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

The funny thing is, I remember reading this for the first time maybe a year or so ago, and I really liked it. The idea of accepting that there are many things beyond my control and understanding, but being able to be still and hopeful in God, especially resonated with me. How could I have forgotten this? And now, I have a song to help me remember.

(BTW, this musician also has a blog that combines some poetry with her insights and music news…and the latest posts quote from Emerson and Emily Dickinson. Pretty cool. :))

I’ll admit it – I take my mom for granted. I don’t always think about how she stayed home full-time with Na and me until we were in elementary school. At that point, she began working at the same school so that she could bring us to school and bring us home. Until then, she took us to the library for storytime and community puppet shows and performances. She allowed us to help her bake, usually for our teachers or other people. Her specialty was persimmon cookies and bread, using the fresh persimmons from the two trees in our backyard.

Some days, she would take us downtown to visit dad at work. I remember playing on a concrete slide (that is no longer there), and occasionally getting to buy Swedish fish (at a store that also is no longer there). We’d check out dad’s office and play with all the knick-knacks on his desk, and I’d marvel at all the colors of markers he got to use. One day, when I was in maybe in 1st or 2nd grade, mom let me get my ears pierced at Bedazzled, located downstairs from dad’s office. Years later when I wanted a third hole – but only on one side –  mom also got one ear pierced with me.

I really liked having mom at the same school. When I needed lunch money, I only needed to run to her classroom. After school, we’d go to her preschool classroom to wait. While we waited, we either played out in the preschool playground or played with the kids. I remember my classroom even went on a field trip with my mom’s kids, with each student in my class paired up with a preschool buddy.

Na always remembers that, when we were kids, mom killed a snake in the backyard with a shovel. I think adrenaline kicked in when she saw the snake and thought about how it could hurt us. Talk about a mother’s protective instinct. I don’t remember that, though. But I do know that my mom is tougher than she looks, and I’ve seen her assert herself many times. That’s something I could learn from her.

One of my strongest memories of my mom is not as dramatic as Na’s. It’s from the day of my high school graduation. The ceremony was in downtown Sacramento, about 25 minutes from home, I think (without traffic). I’d forgotten the golden sash showing my participation in the California Student Federation, which I was supposed to wear around my neck during the ceremony. To be honest, I can’t even remember what I did to earn it, or what it meant. Regardless, my mom wanted me to be able to have it. Right before the ceremony began, she dashed home to get the sash. I was already lined up in the hallway, about to enter into the auditorium. I remember her rushing to me, sash in hand, just in time.

Since becoming an adult, moving away from home, and being pretty independent, I know I haven’t been the easiest daughter to build a relationship with. I make a point to keep in touch, but I’m aware that I can put up walls sometimes. I may not want to be taken care of like a kid, but I have to understand that a mother will always act like a mother. And that’s probably a good thing.

So, mom, happy mother’s day…and thank you for all you’ve done for me – and continue to do. Happy mother’s day, also, to my mother-in-law, and thanks for raising a great son. :)

And happy mother’s day to all the other special women out there who are mothers, mothers-to-be, women who care for other children as their own, and to those who have had to say goodbye to their own. You are loved.

These few days in May always bring a lot of reminiscing for me. The first significant date is May 7 – our wedding anniversary. Today, we celebrated six years of marriage. Coincidentally, yesterday I stumbled upon my outdated Shutterfly account, which was full of photos from my life in LA. Some of the ones in there included our engagement and wedding pictures. Sometimes I feel like the six years has gone by really fast; but, at the same time, I feel like those years of being in LA were eons ago.

Last year, I posted about the beginnings of our relationship and reasons why I love Matt, so I’ll spare you all the sentiments this year. All I’ll say is that I’m thankful for him – the things I really admire about him and, dare I say it, even the things that drive me a little batty.

These dates also are significant because exactly five years ago, we packed up a U-Haul and drove up to Seattle with my dad and Matt’s mom. We had never seen our apartment until we pulled up to it. It was a warm, sunny Seattle weekend (in May!), and after we unloaded everything, we launched right into hitting the Seattle spots – Pike Place, Kerry Park, and Ezell’s Chicken (made famous by Oprah). We were newlyweds on a new adventure – and we haven’t regretted it since.

When I looked at the pics from Shutterfly, I felt like the experience of living in LA was a distant memory. I felt like there was a lot of emotional adjustment upon moving there, and I look back at those years almost like I was a different person. Then again, I know Matt would agree with me that we’ve both grown a lot since moving here.

A day after we unpacked and our parents flew back to California, I started my job at WV. It has been five years now that I’ve been there, and I haven’t grown tired of it yet. There have been many, many hard moments, but also many good, good ones, too. It’s funny to think back at my first few months there and how my relationships with my teammates, comfort level, and familiarity with everything has changed. I am so thankful to be there, and am glad that Matt can be there, too.

Here are a couple of pics from my Shutterfly account…

(We totally staged this photo. Matt tried to catch the real moment, but the camera went off a little too late. So we reenacted this. hehe. I look so cheesy.)

(Engagement shot by Susan in San Diego. I remember we had a disagreement on the way down to SD because the directions I wrote down weren’t right – and I, unfortunately, hadn’t brought Susan’s number with me. I felt horrible about being late – and unable to contact Susan – and Matt was giving me a hard time for not being more responsible. Somehow we made it – and Susan was still waiting for us at our meeting spot – and we managed to make peace with each other and look like we loved each other in the photos.)

(Wedding day – pics also by Susan! I still love, love, love the pink and green combo and our polka-dot motif!)

(View of the smoke from the Porter Ranch fires on my way home from work. At night, from my apartment building, I could see the flames in the hills. Crazy. I don’t think wildfires are much of an issue here in western Washington.)

(Taken at a mall in Sao Paulo in 2002. I paid to jump on a big trampoline and was ambitious to try a flip. I managed to do it, but couldn’t control my landing. All of my momentum propelled me forward onto my face. You could imagine I got a lot of laughs. Fortunately, I didn’t get hurt.)

Life sure has been interesting.