I’m kind of at this point where I feel like there’s too much to blog about, so I don’t feel like blogging about anything. I also feel like I want to hide out for a few weeks and not do anything. I feel like there are a lot of people to catch up with - in person, on the phone, over e-mail - but to make time for everyone and everything feels overwhelming. But that’s only because I think people actually are wondering why I haven’t been in touch, when that’s most likely not the case. I’m feeling guilty over something that people probably don’t even care about… :P

I just got back from a weekend in Sac/South Bay, where we attended the wedding of my cousin Kim and her new husband Mike. Kim was an absolutely beautiful. bride, but every time I looked at her, I wondered if she was too young to be getting married. She has a baby face, but most of all - she’s my “little” cousin Kimberly! Well, not so little anymore, since she’s in her late 20s and obviously old enough to get married. 

All the cousins on my dad’s side are either college age or older now, although in my mind, everyone is still young. Nathaniel, who is nine years younger than I am, drove Matt and me around for the first time. My first thought - “Nathaniel’s driving?!” It’s sad to see everyone growing up so quickly, but growing older also makes our gatherings more fun. We can hang out on our own without having our parents around, and we can have “real” conversations that don’t only consist of elementary school topics.

One of the highlights from the weekend was playing Taboo with all the cousins on my dad’s side (minus one who is on the east coast, and Kimberly). Guys vs. girls…girls won, of course, even after Jason proposed a “winner takes all” bonus round. Some moments from the game that still make me laugh:

• Traci: “They sell this by the foot at the store.”  Naomi: “Slim Jims!”
• Matt: (trying to get the guys to guess the word “ape”) Grape - but without the ‘gr’! (Obviously he got penalized for that one)
• Nathaniel: (pretending to scratch his armpits) “You should have said, ‘Goo-goo! Ga-ga!’ Everyone else: “What kind of ape says ‘goo-goo! ga-ga!’?!!”
• Naomi: (giving clues for the girls) ”Paul!” Me: ”Octopus!” (Naomi’s confirmation that I was correct elicited a loud, “What??!!” from everyone.)

OK, maybe you had to be there. But just thinking about the weekend gives me warm family fuzzies again. If I didn’t love living in Seattle so much, I’d be lobbying for a move back to NorCal.

It’s weird to be flying thousands of feet over the ground, but still be connected to people. Alaska Air’s in-flight wi-fi is free this month, so I’m taking full advantage of it. I even Skyped with some friends and gave them a glimpse of the view outside my window. My laptop battery is quickly draining, though, so let’s see if I can get through this post before it dies.

I wanted to write a little bit more about the half-marathon. I’ll spare you all the details, but overall, the week leading up to the race was eventful and emotional. I went out for a quick 2-mile run during lunch on Wednesday, but besides that, my mind was everywhere but the race. At that point, I was OK with simply running and finishing the race, without much concern for my time. I think that was good for me, though. I often get so caught up in doing well and having high expectations for myself that I stress myself out. But with the race, despite my previously set goal, I was feeling calm because I, truthfully, had lowered my expectations.

Last year, since it was my first half-marathon and I was surrounded by so many other first-timers, the level of excitement and pre-race jitters were high. This year, with Na and Julia (experienced runners) around, there wasn’t as much hype with them. This was nothing really unusual for them. But when they laid out their clothes, pinned on their numbers, and attached the timing device on their shoes, I quickly gathered my gear and joined them. Yes, for at least a few hours, I was going to be like them. I was going to be one of the runners.

I think one of the most appealing aspects of the race is all the hype and size of the event. The expos are fun because you get free stuff that’s geared for athletes - and, if you’ve never felt like an athlete, the expo gives you that chance. There are hundreds of other people around, excited about the upcoming race. Race day, you’re walking with thousands of other people toward the starting line, and waiting in line with others who have to make that one last stop at the porta-potty (yes, I was one of them).

This year, I ran the race alone, which I was OK with. But when I spotted Matt scanning the crowds at the starting line for me, I was really happy to see him. He waited with me and walked his bike alongside as my corral made its way toward the starting line. And throughout the race, he appeared in numerous spots, camera in hand and an encouraging smile on his face. It made a huge difference to see him, as well as other familiar faces in the race and on the sidelines. At one point, I was so ready to walk, but I knew Keba and her friend, Allison, were somewhere nearby. I didn’t want to WALK past them, so I kept running. When Keba spotted me, she leaped up, gave me a hug, and said, “Go! Go!” As small of a gesture as that was, it kept me going.

I was a few minutes shy of my goal, but I’m surprisingly OK with it. I’m more than OK with it. I’m really happy with how I did - not necessarily time-wise - but in terms of effort. I gave it my best and pushed myself when I really wanted to give up. The last two miles were especially challenging, and I felt like 99% of my body was telling me to stop, and only 1% was trying to persevere. About 3/4 of a mile from the finish line, a girl came up next to me and matched my pace. I didn’t look over at her, but knowing she was there right helped me to keep going. That’s all it took. Soon, about 10% of me was ready to keep going, and I forged ahead and left the girl behind. My calves were burning, and as much as I wanted to speed up and sprint through the finish line, no part of my body could move faster than it already was.

Crossing the finish line was incredibly satisfying. I was so, so, so relieved that it was over.

Because I’m sure you are all dying to know how I did in the half-marathon on Saturday, I didn’t want to leave you in suspense anymore. I came in 2:22 - only two minutes past my goal. Despite a slower-than-expected pace, I did not expect to get that close to my goal, especially considering the outcome of my last long run. I’ll write more another time, but I wanted to at least share the news because I’m proud of how I did. I think many would still consider it to be on the slow side, but I don’t care. I believe I did my best, and that’s all that I care about.

Here’s a pic of Julia (Na’s friend), Na, and me at the end of the race. More details to come (which, again, I’m sure you’re all eagerly awaiting… ;P) I’ll have plenty of time to write more since I’ll be on vacation soon, en route to HARRY POTTER LAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the past few years, we’ve had occasional moles intruding on our property. They burrow through the ground, leaving tunnels pushed up all around the yard. To see if moles are still hanging around, you’re supposed to step on the tunnels, which fills them back up with dirt. If the tunnels return, you know the mole is still active in your yard. From there, you can take measures like setting out mole traps, dispersing pellets to poison them, or lighting smoke bombs in their tunnels. I’ve done the latter two (probably environmentally unfriendly) options, but I really don’t want to find a half-dead mole wriggling around in a trap like a half-squeezed tube of toothpaste.

While I’ve hated finding mole tunnels on our property, I’ve been thankful that they’ve stayed out of the front garden - my pride and joy. Until Saturday. I noticed there were mounds of dirt and tunnels winding through the violas, around my Japanese bloodgrass, and past the blueberry bushes that are bearing fruit for the first time. I’m sure moles don’t have codes of conduct or any form of etiquette, but they cannot mess with this area and get away with it.

Earlier this morning, I stomped on all the tunnels. Take that, you stinkin’ moles! I also found info online that said moles are deterred by the smell of coffee grounds and dryer sheets. Perfect! We have both.

An hour ago, I peeked out the window and was about to head outside to apply the coffee grounds and dig dryer sheets into the ground. My gaze landed on a raised tunnel. Weird, I thought I had stomped out all the tunnels. Then I saw it. Movement. Very slight movement. A mole was digging through my garden at that very moment. I called Matt over to the window. We watched the slow progression in silence, speaking only in whispers, as if anything louder would scare away the mole.

We watched the soil move up and down, even if slightly, tracing the mole’s path. There was no way I was going to sit there and watch it slowly wind its way through my garden again. We grabbed two shovels and plotted to trap the mole by stabbing the shovels into the ground, simultaneously, one on each side of the mole.

We tiptoed closer to the mole. I speculated that if we walked normally, the mole would feel the vibration of our footsteps and dig deeper into the ground. There we stood, shovels at the ready, watching for movement. There it was! Matt didn’t see where I was pointing, so I stepped closer to point. He inched his foot closer to the garden and just barely nudged a metal bucket by his foot. It scraped against the ground. And the mole was gone.

We waited a few more minutes with no success. Finally, Matt began stabbing the ground near where we last saw the mole. We filled in the new tunnel, and I mixed in the dryer sheets and coffee grounds. If we’ve driven the mole away, it will probably surface in another part of our yard - or, better yet, the neighbor’s yard. The mole(s) really just goes from one yard to another until someone kills it. Hopefully its days are numbered.

Thank goodness for telecommute days!

Here’s a short (and shaky) video showing the mole tunneling through our yard…

Three months ago, I posted this picture showing newborn coriopsis as a sign of spring. The rocks that are partially shown are a little bigger than my shoe, and the stems of coriopsis are just a couple of inches high.

Now check out the coriopsis today:

Pretty soon, the clumps will be topped with little yellow flowers!

Today was one of my last long runs before the half-marathon in two weeks. I’ve been losing steam, and it’s been harder and harder for me to be consistent with training. I haven’t looked forward to running the long runs alone. “This American Life” surely deserves a monetary donation because those radio shows have kept my interest while I’m out there struggling to put one foot in front of the other.

But it’s been a good experience, despite the challenges. Training for the half-marathon and shooting for a specific time has shown me how occupied I can be with something that may not be that important - and how I can overlook the things that *are* important. More specifically, when I run, I’m obsessive about my time. It’s been discouraging because I’m still not as fast as I’d like to be. I’ve slacked on the speed training, and more often than not, I end up running only twice a week instead of three because of other activities that I schedule during the week. I haven’t made training a priority.

Today’s 10.5 miles took me 2:15 - only 5 minutes short of my goal and 2.6 miles shy of the half-marathon course. At this rate, I won’t be meeting my goal of 2:20. And the fact that I’ve told people my goal makes me even more disappointed that I’m not likely to achieve it.

Matt keeps reminding me, “Listen to your body, and stop if you need to. Don’t worry about the time.” But old habits die hard. I falsely believe that the time is everything. I forget that I still don’t consider myself a runner, yet I’ve committed the past few months to train - mostly alone - for another half-marathon. I forget that I’ve already seen improvements over last year’s training, and I should be proud of that.

It’s easy to tell myself that simply training and then finishing the race is reason enough to be proud. But there will still be that part of me that wants to declare that I met my goal. This is definitely a good experience for me, in relation to one of my previous posts about my motivation and mentality when doing things I’m not good at.

Come race day, I know I will have a blast and I will not regret participating again this year - and hopefully, I’ll remember and believe that *that* is the most important outcome of the race. But I’m already telling people - if I even think about doing the race again next year, tell me not to!!

Caring for a garden can be time-consuming and challenging. But when it gives you gifts like these, it’s all worth it…

Sometimes you have to toot your own horn, especially if you really think you deserve it. And, in this situation, I think I deserve it. This past Tuesday, I gave my 20th manual speech in Toastmasters. (When I say “manual,” I mean out of the manuals that each member works through to reach another level. I’ve given non-manual speeches, as well, but they don’t always count toward something.) By giving my 20th manual speech, I achieved the Advanced Communicator Bronze status, which basically means you’re not a beginner anymore - but you still have many levels to work through, if you so choose. Last year, I also achieved the Advanced Leader Bronze status after serving on the Toastmasters Cabinet, volunteering for numerous roles within the club, organizing events, and more.

To many people outside of Toastmasters, the pins, contests, certificates, meetings, formalities, and titles seems like an adult variation of Boy Scout merit badges. To some extent it is. That’s why it appeals to people like me who love goals and awards. But it’s also a lot of work, and is more beneficial than people give it credit. Toastmasters is not just for people who don’t like to speak in public. If I have time to prepare a speech, I can present it well in front of a large group of people. But put me in front of a small team, without any preparation, and I get really flustered when asked to answer a question on the spot. So Toastmasters is for people like me, who need practice and tips on impromptu speaking.

It’s also for people who like to hear the sound of their own voice a little too much. It teaches them to organize their thoughts more and to stick to a time limit. Toastmasters helps people to listen critically, because we’re also required to evaluate one another’s speeches. We’re taught to organize our evaluations, and deliver positive feedback while also giving constructive criticism. In the advanced manual I just completed, I learned about being more assertive, handling verbal criticism, negotiating, and other challenging interpersonal situations. This is just a quick summary of what Toastmasters offers.

I’ve heard people make fun of Toastmasters before, and I get a lot of “You’re in Toastmasters - YOU should be presenting during our meeting!” But I can’t take it personally. It’s just because people don’t understand what Toastmasters really is about. People also make those comments because they might not understand the benefits of growing through a structured, official program. I want to remind people that I’m in Toastmasters because I seek help - not because it automatically makes me a great speaker. So if I’m not leaping at any opportunity to speak in front of people, it’s because I’m still learning and growing in Toastmasters.

Just yesterday, I spoke in front of my extended team at work, and was required to answer some questions about a fictional situation. I was completely flustered, and I’m sure I turned beet red trying to make sense of what I was being asked. Afterward, I criticized myself for not doing a better job, for not speaking flawlessly, for not playing along better. But then I remembered what my friend, Mel, had told me before: Celebrate even the small victories. For the most part, I thought my presentation was delivered confidently, and I did answer one or two of the impromptu questions, putting some of my Toastmasters experience to use. So while the entire delivery was not seamless, I should still celebrate the positive points of the presentation.

Many people also don’t understand my obsession with personal growth and development. Sometimes I don’t even get it, especially when it comes to something like public speaking that is so far beyond my comfort zone. (The 17-year-old high school version of me who participated in Moot Court is a complete stranger!) As a writer, I’m not expected to give speeches. But I do interact a lot with clients and teammates, and I know my verbal communication skills stink. That’s why I like to hide behind e-mails and written notes, as opposed to phone calls and face-to-face meetings. So my choice to prepare speeches, give up a lunchtime each week, and to be involved in the club’s activities seems odd. I expected to just complete the first manual and then quit. But three and a half years later, I’m still in Toastmasters - with no plans to quit.

The fact that people are in Toastmasters for 20-30 years seems even more odd. But you know what? I can see why people stay in it for so long. Toastmasters offers a very safe environment for you to make mistakes. And as someone who only wants to do things I’m good at, I welcome a place where you’re expected to make mistakes - and people will still grin at you and clap for you. You’re told what you are doing well, and you’re told how you can do better. With our mentor system, I’m also able to coach and encourage newer members. It’s a joy to share my experience with people, and to tell them that I can relate to the butterflies, the nervousness, and the flushed face. I like being with like-minded people who also want to improve in some area of their life. They’re committed to improving, and it’s refreshing to be around people with a desire to learn and grow. They keep me motivated, and they inspire me.

Years ago, I attended the final meeting of the Dale Carnegie program that my friend Queencie was participating in. At the time, I didn’t understand why she was trying to improve on public speaking. But at the closing meeting, I saw that it was about more than simply public speaking. It was about gaining confidence, stretching oneself, and growing. Queencie was voted “Most Improved” by her peers, and I was so incredibly proud of how hard she had worked, and how much she gained from the program. Going through everything together, Queencie’s peers applauded her challenges and achievements because they could relate to her experience. In the same way, my fellow Toastmasters members know what it’s like to work hard - and it feels really good to have my efforts recognized.

I tend to keep my Toastmasters accomplishments quiet, because I know people outside of the organization won’t understand what it really means to be an Advanced Communicator Bronze, or what a Vice President of Public Relations does. I’m afraid people will snicker behind my back (see - there it is again - the desire to please and the false expectation that people are really thinking about me more than they really are!). But gosh darn it, I worked hard to get where I am, and I *am* really proud of myself for all I’ve accomplished. When I get that little pins that say I’m an Advanced Communicator or Advanced Leader, I’m going to proudly add them to the rest of the Toastmasters flair on my office lanyard and hold my head up high.

I recently entered a writing contest on trazzler.com, and I need your help to win! If you haven’t already voted, here’s how you can do it:

• Go to www.trazzler.com and sign in using your Facebook account or by creating a Trazzler account.
• Once you’re signed in, go to www.trazzler.com/contests/bend/entries and check out my entry (Discovering unseen treasures in a lava cave in Bend, Oregon) - currently in the #2 spot.
• VOTE for my entry by clicking on the green “Save” button to the right of my story. A vote is counted when a registered user clicks “Save” on my trip page.
• The contest closes on June 15, so vote now and spread the word.

Thanks!!

(OK, call me a stalker, but I looked at the votes for the person in first place. There are some people who have voted two or three times under different accounts, and the writer herself has voted twice! Ggrrr…don’t get me wrong. I definitely thought about doing that, too, but I won’t resort to it.)

Best lines from recent episodes of “Glee” come from Coach Sylvester that made us laugh out loud…

“I’m going to kick you square in the taco.”

“So you like showtunes. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. It just means you’re awful.”

With the last one, I immediately thought of the “Musical Mania” channel that I created on Pandora, which is a channel of showtune after showtune, and I listen to it more than I’d like to admit. It allows me to play out my dream of being in a musical which, unfortunately, would never happen since I can’t sing that well. But no one can stop me from performing in my own house.