While I as a mother can encourage her to pursue her dreams and to not listen to those messages, in today’s world fathers must also play a major role in challenging those limitations.  Daughters need not be told by daddy that they can be whoever they want to be and then witness daddy go watch TV while mommy cooks dinner and does the dishes.  Or overhear daddy tell others that they play soccer well “for a girl.”  Fathers, now more than ever, need to be aware of how they help shape the way girls view themselves as people and in relation to men.

…In our home, we do our best to show our daughter that both mommy and daddy work, and cook, and clean, and change diapers, and take time to relax.  My husband plays dress-up fairies as well as lightsaber duels with my daughter.  He doesn’t want to push her into the preconceived box of “this is the way girls are,” but encourages her to be herself and use her active imagination.  We are, of course, making many mistakes along the way, but I am grateful that my husband is being the type of father my daughter needs in order to grow up not into a set of stereotyped expectations, but into a healthy and whole version of herself.

I love the fact that I didn’t grow up feeling limited because I was a girl. I’m glad my dad never told me not to climb trees or play with worms, nor did he ever discourage me from farting or burping (although it’s probably my mom’s influence that enables me to know when it’s inappropriate to do so). He played catch with me, and didn’t tell me to just go jump rope when I wanted to play basketball (oh wait, that was another man at church who said that to me when I was in high school…) More importantly, he shows by example that he can still be the “man of the house” when he has dinner ready by the time my mom comes home from work. Husbands and wives are supposed to love and serve one another, based on what their gifts are. So is it “wrong” if I serve my family by working? Is it only “right” if I serve my family by raising our kids? Will Matt and I have it all wrong if we do it any other way?

Just as I’m thankful for parents who demonstrated a healthy balance between the male and female roles in the household, I’m also thankful for a husband who feels the same way. Sure, he always looks to me for food, but that’s because he doesn’t enjoy (or care to learn how) to cook – not because he thinks it’s the woman’s job. He used to joke that he never liked packing our lunches because “it makes him feel like a woman,” but now he does it without complaining – and he still feels like a man. Matt typically washes the dishes; we do the laundry together; I collect the trash, he takes it out; and after we host meals, we clean up together – Matt doesn’t complain that he has to hang out in the kitchen. If anything, he probably wants to just make sure that I’m cleaning up to his standards.

He does a lot more than I give him credit for. And when the time comes for us to be parents, I know he will do more than many fathers do. Some dads will bring home the paycheck and consider his responsibility done. If that’s the kind of dad a “real man” is supposed to be, I don’t care for it. So whether Matt’s the one driving to work and sitting in a cube everyday (which he could do without), or if he’s the one watching me drive to work as he straps a baby to his chest, he will always have my respect as the man of the house.

Happy father’s day everyone – and especially to my own dad!