I recently put our boxwood shrub on craiglist, asking for any takers to come over and dig out the shrub for free. This is not just any old shrub. It’s a decent size, and would probably cost some money (and a lot of time) for people to end up with something this big.

I got a few replies, and offered it to the first person who replied. My first mistake: Offering it to someone and letting her come pick it up a week later. We’ve had a lot of experience with craigslisters who tell us they are “very interested” in something, ask us to hold it for them, and never pick it up. Sometimes they call to ask us to hold it another day. Most often than not, they just don’t show up. By then, other people who have expressed interest are no longer interested.

Matt told me not to hold it for her, but I did anyway. She was planning on getting it this coming weekend, and yes, she said she was “very interested.”

After talking to Matt about it a little more, he convinced me to just tell her that the shrub needs to go ASAP, offer her a chance to get it tonight, and then open up the offer to other people. Normally, I don’t like rescinding offers, but we know how common it is to get burned when you start promising things to people—and I actually would prefer to get the shrub out of the ground before the weekend, too.

So I e-mailed the woman, asking if she could get it tonight. I apologized and used Matt as an excuse for having to change our plans. Her response was something along the lines of how inconsiderate it was for me to back out after I gave her my word (and rightly so…I’m guilty, especially after thinking how flaky craigslisters could be), and how I should at least dig out the shrub and keep it in a bucket for her. (Does she remember how big they are?? I don’t have anything to hold it!) And the kicker was that she asked if I had a backbone to stand up to my husband.

At first, I just felt bad for backing out on her, but then I just boiled up when I read the sentence about not having a backbone. How DARE she say something about a perfect stranger over something that is FREE!!!! I was just enraged, so of course I furiously typed out a response, my heart beating quickly the entire time.

I didn’t reveal my complete anger over her words, but I said something along the lines of how sorry I was that she felt like she had to attack a complete stranger, and how she had no right to say that, and that I couldn’t believe she would stoop so low over something free. I also said I’m glad she’s not getting our boxwood bush.

But that was my second mistake: I shouldn’t have let my anger get the best of me. Doesn’t the Bible talk about how being nice is like heaping hot coals over someone’s head? But, if I was sugary nice just to make her feel guilty, would that have been any better than letting my anger show? I am genuinely sorry that I shot out that reply so quickly. If I thought about it more, I would have been more apologetic about backing out of the agreement, but also would have just put in a polite one-liner about how I’m sorry she was so upset that she was attacking a complete stranger. End of story.

Oh well, I failed that test, but we just learn from our mistakes.