I’ve been having a really hard time keeping my judgmental, critical thoughts to a minimum. Fueled partly by PMS and partly by pent-up frustrations, I sort of let things out two weekends ago (although things could have been even more extreme if I really let loose) and felt fed up with a lot of things. I’m the type of person who doesn’t express my frustrations when I should, in fear of hurting someone else’s feelings or creating awkward, uncomfortable vibes. So, instead, I keep my emotions inside, all the while casting critical thoughts on the unsuspecting victims.

Two days after that incident, I figured a good Bible reading should get my mind on track, so I returned to a Bible-reading schedule that I started several years ago and am slowly getting through. I happened to be on Romans 2. I opened it up, and was shocked–God could not have been clearer. I was reading the NIV translation ($5 student Bible from the 1996 Dawson McAllister conference–yeah!), but I looked up the translation of The Message (of which I’m normally not a fan), but thought it really hit home for this passage:

1-2 Those people are on a dark spiral downward. But if you think that leaves you on the high ground where you can point your finger at others, think again. Every time you criticize someone, you condemn yourself. It takes one to know one. Judgmental criticism of others is a well-known way of escaping detection in your own crimes and misdemeanors. But God isn’t so easily diverted. He sees right through all such smoke screens and holds you to what you’ve done.

3-4You didn’t think, did you, that just by pointing your finger at others you would distract God from seeing all your misdoings and from coming down on you hard? Or did you think that because he’s such a nice God, he’d let you off the hook? Better think this one through from the beginning. God is kind, but he’s not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.

Yeah. I got the message. I definitely should not be one to critique other people, especially when there’s a lot that needs improvement in my life. I was definitely convicted, and have since been trying to be more level-headed and less judgmental. Trust me, it’s hard, and I’ve already had many, many judgmental thoughts since reading that passage. But I’m really trying to stay focused.

I recently read “Operating Instructions” by Anne Lamott (BTW, I’m determined to be the next Anne Lamott), who talks about how when the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake struck, all she could think about was how it would affect her book sales. Meanwhile, her friend is stressing about whether or not her husband is still alive. Anne wrote, “…to have this dark side, that is part of what it means to be human, to have the darkness just as much as the light–that in fact the dark parts make the light visible; without them, the light would disappear.”

I understand what she means about the contrast…that you can’t see one without the other. But I don’t want to have that dark side. I don’t need it around just so you could see the light. In fact, the dark side may even end up overshadowing the light side if I don’t keep it under control. In my case, people keep telling me that my emotions are expected and normal. I understand that. But I can’t help but want to get rid of them…for my sanity, and for the other people around me.