You know those old women who stay single for life–they’re called spinsters, right? Anyway, for some reason today, I feel (once again) that Matt made a mistake by marrying me. I know he will disagree, but there are times when I just feel like I’m not 1). hot enough, 2). girly enough, and 3). exciting enough. As down-to-earth as Matt is, don’t all (or most) guys like girls who giggle and fawn all over them? Guys like to feel macho and manly around girls. Most of the time, Matt probably feels like a babysitter around me, trying to keep me controlled and mellow as I’m hopping all over the apartment or bouncing off the walls.

But that’s something I’m coming to terms with and have thought about many times. I think moving here has helped, since a lot of the girls we’ve met are into outdoorsy things and different activities, so I don’t feel like such the tomboy or the nerd—not that there’s anything wrong with those things! But I’m trying not to be discontent with who I am, especially since my identity is found in God’s eyes–and He doesn’t make any crappy things. So if I want to sit at home or knit or be dorky and try some breakdancing moves at home, so be it. If I wear a bright-colored striped shirt with neutral-colored plaid boxers in the apartment (I have enough sense not to wear it in public!), so be it. Comfort over image, right?

In time, with control of my thoughts, and prayer, I’ll make it.