In my last entry, I mentioned going through old blog entries. Here’s one of my first ones, dated 12.03.01, when I was in the height of all the Indy Chick glory (and about four months before Matt and I met via e-mail):

“The greatest enemy of an Indy Chick: GUYS. Just when I think I’m at the height of Indy Chickness, something comes my way and tears me down, making me realize that I still am not the Madeline (Trish and my name for the ultimate Indy Chick) that I am working toward being. It’s so easy to look at relationships and think, “Boy, I’m glad I’m single. I don’t have to consult someone before making plans. I don’t have to be home at a certain time to talk to my boyfriend. I can do whatever I want.” And of course, there are the times when you know you wouldn’t mind those things, but the Indy Chick prevails because you just give yourself pep talks. And on the days when you falter, you cry a little, pray, and then laugh at yourself for being so lame and do something fun. Or you go work out, go to the bookstore, or whatever, to surround yourself with people. Go dancing.

Crushes are good. You see them every once in awhile and just enjoy looking at them because they’re eye candy. And when they’re so sweet and friendly to you, you melt even more. But you know that it’s all just lighthearted fun. You’re not in it for a real relationship. You don’t even care to call them and get to know them too much because you already know that your personalities won’t work together.

But when someone comes around and you know they’re seeking what you’re seeking…even though both of you are not actively seeking it, then there’s a little tension there because you don’t want to just jump into anything. What are they thinking when they ask me to hang out? Am I being pushy if I ask them to hang out again? When those questions come around, it means you’re going down the Indy Chick scale.

This weekend was not good. I don’t usually hang out with the Enemy [what I called a friend that I was having the aforementioned questions about], but we did the past weekend and then this weekend…not that long each time, but just an evening. Then on Sunday, I wanted to hang out again but he needed to get some stuf done. It was already a dark and gloomy winter day, and this didn’t help. I was mostly annoyed at myself for feeling that needy, feeling like I wanted to hang out with a certain person.

I have to think about anything BUT the Enemy. Fortunately, Trish and I are resurrecting the whole Indy Chick movement. The Year of the Horse is also the Year of the Indy Chick, and we’re letting everyone know it. Beware, Enemy…Indy Chicks are back.”

Then in an entry dated 05.29.02, I talk about Matt, who, at the time, I had “known” (via e-mail and phone) for a month and a half. We had *just* met in person and he had just left for Brazil, and I talked about how “this may turn out to be more than friendship, and it’s a mutual thing. One good sign about this is that I haven’t referred to him as The Enemy, as I previously named guys, that posed a threat to the Indy Chick mentality. If we only stay friends, I know we will continue to grow together and encourage each other…if it becomes more, well, that’s exciting, too.”

Sounds like a happy ending, but the blog entries to follow reminded me that it wasn’t an easy journey…